Networking has taken on a new dimension the past few years. That's why it's time to ask a couple of serious questions. WHY should you nurture and build the people in your network? WHAT is important to the people in your network? WHO is important to you? HOW can you tell whether or not a person in your network is worth your trust and effort?
Only five years ago it was a lot easier to spot a true networker. These days, everybody is somehow into it. With the exploding social media everyone is connecting with friends, family and business associates. This however, does not mean that we're all networking networkers. Far from it!
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A "networker" is someone who is genuinely interested in building value for the people he or she interacts with. The most basic trait of a skilled networker is someone that completely abdicates self interest by constantly asking: "What can I do for this particular individual - right now".
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Before Facebook, LinkedIn and all other networking solutions I kept my network of contacts in a spreadsheet with thousands of key people. For obvious reasons I no longer maintain contact information and current status updates manually like this. (And if you do, you're wasting time. Today's paradigm has moved towards "everyone updates their own information".)
WHY
So, why network? There are many reasons. The most obvious one is "because networking is a lifestyle, and it's the right thing to do". Right thing? Yes, people who care will find people who care. People who don't care will soon find themselves alone. To me that sounds like an irrefutable law to prove its validity and eternal principle. But there's another reason why sincere networking is so powerful: "Because it's smart". With a big network, you'll find that almost any task becomes much easier. There's always someone who knows someone that has what you need.
WHAT
The tricky part in networking is what. The reason being, offering people what they need is being flexible to take a time-out and help people as the need arises. That, as you know, is hard, simply because everybody has a hectic schedule. In my experience, the people who want to help are better at this than those who do, but don't want to. "Intent counts more than technique (Quote: Mahan Khalsa)."
Even more important, I'd say, is looking for opportunities. A good networker will respond to needs, reactively. On the other hand, an excellent networker proactively seeks to create opportunities to create value for others. He or she asks effective questions to uncover needs, connects people that overlap in purpose and effort, and maybe above all - follows up to make sure it went well. So many people create value, but when left without follow up, they miss reciprocity, which almost always appears in some form or another when you're seeking to finish what you started.
WHO
Who's important? That's easy. Everyone is. I'm serious! When interacting with humans you simply don't separate between important and unimportant. You may have a pressing need to speak with someone, but that doesn't make that single person more important or noteworthy than anyone else.
I often encounter people who obviously are too much occupied with title, rank and/or position. Over the years I've learned an important lesson. Hear it from me: First of all, people are of equal value and if you don't really believe it, you'll act accordingly and sooner or later it'll catch up with you. Secondly, but that's only nice to remember, you never know who's who in a few years from now. One quick example:
I once spent several hours helping a young man who was working for a small insignificant company. They had no budget and nothing to offer, it seemed. Because I was responsible for our companies' policies and because I did care, he received all the help he needed. One year later he contacted me again, this time as the CTO of a major corporation. As a result of my previous investment in time and effort we now partnered up and did BIG business.
HOW
How do we know if someone is worth our trust and effort? First, like I said, everyone's worth an effort. What about trust? Do you really want to know who you can trust? The answer is obvious. Whoever does and lives by the above mentioned characteristics:
- People who care because they care - without any thought of reward (WHY)
- People who offer to help when it's not convenient (WHAT)
- People who treat all people alike (WHO)
Be a networker, but make sure to rise above the crowd. It used to be like that. It still is!
Clients, just like small children and toddlers, have a crying engine that sometimes needs to run for a while before we reach the heartier matters - the stuff that really makes a difference and that defines customer needs. It's not necessarily logical, but it certainly is psychological.
Did you ever witness a child crying for a long time? And then, when you offer your comfort and help, the child is simply unable to stop crying for quite a while. Even several minutes after the crying has "officially" stopped, the child is still experiencing periodic and uncontrolled sobbing. This phenomenon is what I refer to as "the crying engine".
Crying Remains the Same
What does this have to do with influence and sales?
Grown-ups are experiencing much of the same feelings in many ways. We may not frequently let it all out in as easily a recognizable pattern as public crying, but the process and the pain is exactly the same. Effective sales people allow the client to go through that process - gently - both the growing awareness of pain moving down to the heart as well as the resolving of deep feelings of hurt and disappointment moving up and out. The concluding result is wonderful. The other person experiences great relief, which is a reward in itself, I feel! The bonus is that your odds of making a sale quadruples, if not much more.
Mind you, the old school of "problem and pain questions" is a solid and good one, but supposing that all customers need help like that is of course taking it much too far and will only lead to miscommunication in so many cases. This is one of several good reasons why of all the different sales systems I appreciate the flexible approach of "Helping Clients Succeed" by Franklin Covey so much.
Just because résumés and track records are being used to filter out and find the best sales people doesn't mean they're worth something. In fact, past success only means you did well in the past. It doesn't guarantee you'll be successful in the future.
Your past success can make future success pretty hard in more than one way...
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For instance, successful sales people tend to be promoted. Most of them stay sharp, but some stop exercising that sales muscle, become arrogant and self centered and lose the edge they used to have on life.
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The real deal
Why are you in sales? Is it for the money?
Sure, I earn my living that way, and it's good. But you know what. The reason I love selling is because it puts me right where I want to be; in the hottest furnace of constant communication training. If there's one area I'd like to master then it's the ability to reach someone else with a message. And by "reach" I mean totally embrace, both ways, i.e. I embrace you and you embrace me.
If you're asking me, I believe this is the toughest most noble of all tasks in any person's life: To constantly increase the talent of bringing someone over - not to "my way of thinking" - but to a higher shared level.
To me, that's what selling is about, and also how past success (i.e. your track record) can destroy what you have. When you think you're good, you're at risc, because pride may get in your way and stop you from delivering results now and in the future.
Let's consider an every-day example of how energy makes all the difference while for instance raising a child or taking care of your family. Lillian and I have five children. As a family we've frequently discussed in family counsel how we'd like our mornings to be. But even though everyone puts forth an effort, with five kids ages four to twelve, there's bound to be some challenges - every single morning. How does energy apply in such a situation? And what does this have to do with sales or influence?
If I'm frustrated, irritated, impatient, tired, late or even just gradually growing angry, any one of these emotions will automatically transmit to the people around us - immediately. I may try to hide it, but really it's impossible to keep that energy inside. It all leaks out through the cracks. And we know it all too well, don't we?!
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But, you see, the trouble isn't really knowing and understanding. Remember, what's common sense isn't necessarily common practice out there... In fact, it's mostly exactly the opposite; what we know we should be doing, we often don't do. That's how it requires constant and conscious effort to stay focused on positive energy. Now, let's look at why it makes such a difference to do so. | |
I should be the first to admit, I don't always succeed. Reflect for a moment on what might be the elements of a typical morning for any of us...
(1) Getting up
PATH TO NEGATIVE ENERGY: When the alarm goes off, our partner gets up, but we ourselves might be tempted to just slumber a tiny bit longer. Already at this point negative feelings may start building up inside. Children jump into our bed, someone turns on the bright light or opens the curtains, we get reminders of how much there's to do today, and even when we do get up, both the toilet and shower are occupied.
PATH TO POSITIVE ENERGY: The night before we've retired early. Together with our partner we wake up before everyone else, well rested. We make our bed together and turn on pleasent music in the living room. The volume is so low you can hardly hear the music. Family members wake up with a hug and kind words. Whenever anyone does anything to trigger bad feelings we remind ourselves: "I love this person!" and we ask "I wonder how he or she feels right now / how can I be of help?"
(2) Getting breakfast
PATH TO NEGATIVE ENERGY: Everyone's hungry and looks out for their own breakfast. When someone enters the kitchen another leaves. It's usually best to be among the first to eat, because sometimes we run out of milk or even bread. The kitchen is messy from yesterday when we didn't take the time to clean it up. Sometimes there's unkind words spoken as the rush and disorganized meal causes frustration or even accidents. The youngest kids are at times alone in the kitchen, when everyone else is going back and forth trying to get ready... not smart!
PATH TO POSITIVE ENERGY: The night before the table has been set by one of the kids. Breakfast starts at seven sharp. If someone's late, nobody calls out loud for the missing person. Rather, it's an opportunity to give that someone another a hug and a compliment. Breakfast is kind of slow. Some of us are just quiet. There's time to think, to wake up and time to speak and ask questions as we check up on some of the most important upcoming events of the day. When fruit and vitamins have been swallowed we're ready for another day.
(3) Getting out the door
PATH TO NEGATIVE ENERGY: While everyone is more or less desparately scrambling together their stuff, you regularly discover that a shoe or a glove is missing. Someone's yelling for more toilet paper while others are brushing their teeth, too fast and in a hurry. Parents repeat the threatening warning everyone knows so well: "You're gonna be late for school - again!"
PATH TO POSITIVE ENERGY: "Good luck with the test today" becomes everybody's que to getting ready. The table is cleared by all in less than a minute. Someone's telling a joke as hugs and kisses are passed and the youngest kids stand waving at the door. It's tradition!
Your feelings about the others
The difference lies in how you feel about the people around you. The above mentioned path to positive energy is of course never that perfect! It rarely is. However, there are proactive elements in it that makes it much easier to keep a sincere and heartfelt smile on your face - throughout the remainder of the day.
Getting up, getting breakfast and getting out the door are all activities that repeat themselves every day. Even if you're single and alone, there's always a number of "good reasons" to quickly start tapping into negative energy right from the very start. If you do, however, you'll only generate more negativity. Why not think it through, discuss the details and decide what you want, together?
People who take control of how the day starts tend to sincerely and honestly think more positively and highly of the people around them. As a result they also find themselves surrounded by people that want to and indeed do return those positive feelings.
If energy is to work for you and not against you here's what you may want to consider: Retire early in the evening and start the next day with a conscious effort to stay tuned in on the positive, especially every time you're tempted not to.
So what's this energy thing in communication? Well, it's everything. How can you communicate and not relate what you're doing to energy? Communication is energy. But there's more to energy in communication than you might think. Let's take a quick look at energy again, and maybe we'll catch a glimpse of it.
There are different energy levels in communication. You may have felt it. It's real. It matters. It's something every successful individual intuitively knows and effectively applies. Most of all, it's quantifiable, specific and something you can repeat - over and over again - that is, if you know how to.
Since the term "energy" may sound a bit blurry or hard to "practice in real life", why don't we bring some structure to it. Just for argument's sake, let's say there are three levels. The first level would be ME, myself. It's when I begin to resonate with a particular kind of message. The second level is US, you and me. It's when we begin to resonate with each other. The third level is IT, something out there. This would be when we begin to resonate with the environment, the higher and invisible forces we're surrounded by.
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(The third level doesn't need to be any more mystical than e.g. two individuals having a long distance conversation by the use of a cell phone. Are you able to explain the force or channel through which they're interacting? Unless you've studied it in school, you're probably not. But there's no immediate need to understand or explain how a cell phone works, only the fact that it does). | |||||||||||||||||||
That third level
Most people can easily relate to the first two energy levels (i.e. ME and US). But to some, the third energy level (i.e. IT) sounds too mystical. That's OK, if you feel it that way. Just remember though, whatever the message you behave will be understood differently on each level (yes, "behave" is the appropriate word for it). You see, each level gives more information, because behavior takes on different and more meaning the higher up you communicate. When all the others around you are perceiving the world on "the third level", you'll be missing out on quite a bit if you're still only communicating on "the second level". Why don't you just go in faith for once and test yourself. You may discover there's more to communication than you originally thought. Quite frankly, what have you got to lose?
Even though level one (ME) and level two (US) are understood, most people seldom experience them for real in a professional setting. How sad this is! What's more, because there's no resonating ME, WE don't resonate either (i.e. US). Why? Because there's a natural principle based sequence to this. We can't resonate unless there's first individual resonance. And that's also why so few people understand the third level, which in turn is dependent on both ME and US. You get it?
Let's illustrate with an example to make sure I didn't lose you: Now that there's such a stir around Michael Jackson's passing away, why don't we consider him for a moment?
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First, do you think Michael Jackson ever went on stage without reaching some kind of "resonating ME"? Do you think his best concerts were without a burning desire to share his best self? Of course not. Did he like the songs he was singing? Indeed, we may suppose he did. Second, do you think his resonating with the crowds was significant to their musical experience or his performance on stage? I'd say, probably... Third, do you think his wildest fans might refer to something bigger than just music and dance while experiencing him first hand during a concert? Does their ecstatic behavior make sense to us? Maybe not. Does it make sense to them? In some inexplicable way, most likely. If in doubt, take a look at Michael Jackson for yourself. | |||||||||
It begins with the individual, spreads to those around and then becomes something intangible, but real. At this point, I'll quickly point out that effective communication seldom is a "performance", but rather a shared experience. It can be quietly done without any extravagance or even technique. The absolute minimum that it takes is sincerity (outbound energy) and sensitivity (inbound energy).
Practical and doable
To help understand each level, a long time ago, I put together three scenarios visualising what essentially takes place every time there's a shift in energy. The three scenarios explain each level more precisely. If you haven't heard them explained during a training session or read them I suggest you do so now, before reading the conclusion of this article.
What's the big deal? Well, my message and claim is simple: YOU CAN, it you want to, communicate in a much more exciting way than you're currently doing. It's possible to trigger enormous amounts of energy on three levels. First of all inside yourself. Secondly, in others. And third, and most of all, in unison by the use of power in your environment. And to what purpose? To get a much deeper commitment in yourself and others. If you're in selling, knowing about this is simply a must.
So how do we apply it? Here's how to put it into action. Always stay focused on three areas (one for each level respectively):
Position + Trust + Behavior = Message
Each of these is very concrete and measurable. We dive deeply into each of these areas in my book The 3 Energies Behind Sales Success, but if you'd like some other examples (and they're merely examples) of books written on each topic, you may consider the one's listed below. Note! These authors don't necessarily explain how to unleash the energies, but they tap into the do's and don'ts:
- Level 1: Position - Strategic Selling, Miller Heiman
- Level 2: Trust - The Speed of Trust, Stephen M.R. Covey
- Level 3: Behavior - SPIN® Selling, Neil Rackham
Conclusion
To trigger energy - the stuff that adds real power - and makes communication become really powerful, you'll have to work on answering the WHAT (position), WHO (trust) and HOW (behavior) questions. This is the secret to energy in your communication. There's no shortcut, but hard work. However, once the energy's there, it sure feels like a shortcut.
Last month I did a quick webcast on This is Selling. If you look closely you'll find that a complete summary on selling is grouped into three areas. If you focus on all three, you'll discover that your skills begin to work as they should.
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Regardless of what topic or expertise within sales you are looking into, it will always be one of the following three:
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Focusing only on technique is less effective
Context, feelings and technique are basic principles of communication. Context is WHAT you do to create the best possible setting and position. Feelings is WHO you talk with and the emotions you are filled with. Technique is HOW you say it and when.
These three areas are numbered because context outweighs feelings, and feelings in turn are more dominant than technique. Without context and feelings in place technique suffers. People often want to challenge the order of this, but without exception they fail.
Sales technique is not even secondary
Let's be very clear, especially because it really is this simple: Technique helps, but fails when feelings stand in the way. Also, feelings are powerful, but ultimately must give way to context and the bigger picture. If you want to influence others, even influence influential people, first work on context - your position, secondly work with feelings - your relationship with others, and thirdly practice technique - say it right and at the right time.
Remember this, unfortunately most sales training is aimed at technique only. Yes, technique indeed is poor out there, and technique is also mostly weak on a stand-alone basis. The deciding factor that gives technique real power is when context and feelings are taken care of first.
It's not really a big secret. I've seen people work a lot harder for a little recognition than for bonuses and money. And get this, money doesn't always motivate, but recognition - when given the right way - is a sure winner. On a scale from 1 to 10, recognition may not be a 10, but it clearly scores higher and more accurately than monetary rewards. Where does that leave us?
Last week I asked: Is recognition from others important? The poll quickly returned 43 responses, giving us the following statistics:
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The outcome was in fact highly predictable. In round numbers, only 13% believe it's "not critical" and 4% believe it's "not important". However, I was anxious to know more about the group of people who believe recognition does matter. What I wanted to test was: How many are maybe "cynically" inclined to consider recognition as merely a tool to increase performance, getting what they want from others..? as opposed to, how many actually acknowledge our deep need for recognition as humans?
Recognition is not just what you say
Recognition only comes across when it's sincere - everybody knows that - quite intuitively so. When trust is low, talk's cheap. What you say has no real power. However, what logically follows, most people tend to forget; recognition is not so much what you say, but ten times doubly more so what you behave. And what messages do we pass on through our behavior? You're right again - it's emotional - what we truly feel inside is what comes across. What does this mean?
Recognition is not how they feel, but how you feel
It means, when we feel good about someone, we automatically behave in such a way that those positive feelings are conveyed to that other person. Whatever you decide to call it - body language, atmosphere, chemistry... The question isn't "how can I help that other person feel good about him or herself". It's completely the other way around: "How can I feel good about that person, in such a way that I will communicate on the subliminal level messages that support what that person already perceives about him or herself; that he or she is a valuable person with great talents and abilities"? In short, how can I work with my own feelings to be filled with postive emotions toward that particular person?
Recognition strikes when it underscores a positive self image
To obtain such a required change (and really - it's the only way), we need to be sensitive to how the other person perceives him or herself - to see and understand their world. It's not logical, it's psychological. We need to interpret people more correctly, i.e. see their behavior and performance from their point of view.
You see, that's what recognition is. Recognition is not you telling them something they didn't know. No, recognition is finding in others what they long before recognized about themselves already. That need to be recognized by someone else for who they believe they are and what they are truly capable of is the reassurance they seek in others to prove to themselves that they were right about "the I am" all along. All people have kind of an internal struggle and conversation going on inside, saying "I'm good, I'm great, I can do this..." When their surroundings agree with what they believe about themselves, then it must be true... and behavior to prove it follows. That's when recognition hits home; when people not only pick up your positive message, but when they actually believe in it themselves.
We need to help answer the deepest questions that are most important to people: Whether they matter, whether or not they are important and give them reassurance that they are valuable, that they have purpose and that they can make a difference. If you do that, then people will love and respect you. That's when you release energy in such a way that performance outperforms what the critics thought was impossible.
My hope is that managers and leaders of businesses will not only artificially supply their employees and colleagues with insincere compliments, but that they will understand the deep needs that they can fulfill in others. Recognition is not just a compliment - recognition not only can make a big difference in performance. Recognition can make a difference for life!
...or better yet: How important is it to be recognized by someone senior to yourself? It could be your parents, your boss, someone you admire, a renowned expert, in the media, on the web or simply by a crowd of people that knows who you are and with whom you spend much of your time?
That's what this quick poll is about. Provided you're a LinkedIn user already, this will only take three clicks to respond to.
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See what others have said about the importance of recognition and check if your respons is in line with the majority of people "out there".
I can tell you what your problem is...
Whatever challenge you face, it begins and ends with your degree of influence. When you fail it is because you are not quite as influential as you need to be. On the other hand, when you succeed it is because you exercised influence to such a degree that things fell into place. There's really nothing more to be said. Influence is what it's all about!
So what is influence and how do you get it, or rather, how do you exercise and increase it?
Of course, there's no simple answer to this paramount question. Yet, there is a lot be learned and when we understand some basic principles, influence may dramatically increase and help us accomplish great results. First, it's important to see how influence operates on three levels:
- Personal
- Personal influence (i.e. productive ability) results in private victories.
- Interpersonal
- Interpersonal influence (i.e. persuasive ability) results in public victories.
- Intergenerational (or systematical)
- Intergenerational influence (i.e. sensitive ability) results in historic and permanent victories (breaking with old patterns.)
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| Chores: Washing the car or affecting a clean mind? | |||||||||||||
1) We usually tend to quite easily class them as either heroes or traitors. 2) Not all heroes are recognized by the masses, but they each have a faithful following.
Lessons to be learned..? All influence represents the sowing of a seed and eventually the fruits are judged by those who witness them as either good or bad. Also, not all good influence is recognized by many, but they always affect a growing awareness by those who enjoy the fruits.
Note: If intergenerational influence, the highest form of influence, is anything remotely close to success - the real and lasting success of life - then success may not be what you initially think it is.
For this reason we provide our fast growing community with an understanding of the 3 Energies to:
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help you more successfully reach others with a message
...when selling, influencing, negotiating, mediating, counseling - in short, effective influence in every setting.
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avoid quick-fix techniques and manipulation
Since it's possible and tempting to abuse (persuasive) power we help influential people to understand that true and lasting - long term - persuasion, indeed conviction, is dependent on applying correct principles.
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bring structure to all existing sales models and theories to get to action
Thousands of books and hundreds of sales models can each increase performance, but with the big picture in place we visualize and clarify actionable principles. Theory is nothing! Action is everything! But power to execute does, however, come from healthy and sound theory.
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leverage excellence by liberating individual and collective talent
The most frightening loss in sales people is the lack of personal talent and energy. What does it take to remove the barriers that keep individuals and teams from blossoming and bring out what they already have inside?
Conclusion
The highest form of influence is filled with purpose and consequently is the most rewarding and fulfilling kind of interaction. The most powerful influence always enters the scene when we work on the highest and third level:
Just like when children doing their chores are building a character more than doing whatever else they do, everything we do can have a higher, more rewarding purpose and lasting effect. Ask yourself: How can I influence others to achieve a more honorable objective? How can we influence influential people by not just selling to make a living, but mastering influence to make a life ...one person at a time?
Influence is energy. In turn, energy can be divided into three different kinds. The 3E blog is about The 3 Energies which explain the one thing that really matters - INFLUENCE.
Principles are often best shared by means of a story or analogy. Here's one that offers depth to the value of individuals and how the fruits of networking are but a fringe benefit of what really matters: Caring for others!
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Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap. Tied down by strong ropes the Mouse heard the Lion's roar. Coming to its rescue and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, immediately it went up to him and soon gnawed away the ropes that bound the King of the Beasts.
When freed, the Mouse said to the Lion: "You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, expecting to receive from me no repayment for your favor; now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to con benefits on a Lion."
From a sales perspective, Aesop provides us with a great number of lessons. Some of these may be:
- Never abuse power when you are in a position to do so. Only realize your position allows you to offer mercy you yourself need more than whoever you are offering it to.
- Never be intimidated by the power or authority of others. Only realize that some time in the future roles may be reversed.
- People have value regardless of who they are. Positions have no impact on success in the long run,
- ...but you never know who's who around the next bend.
- Ignore every indication of relative importance among humans,
- ...but maintain a clear view of how the world around you perceives rank and importance.
It is when you rise above, that you begin to grow your ability to influence influential people, becoming one yourself.
I found a charming multimedia presentation on the Lion and the mouse fable. Maybe you'll enjoy it as much as I did?
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