All of us are into manipulation to some degree, especially when we run out of options to persuade others.

You may be thinking: "I'm not!" Yes, unfortunately you are, too. Every day! We even do it without knowing. Here's what happens and why.

Every day we encounter something we really want. It could be food, recognition, love, you name it – any unmet need out there, small or great. When we're in a situation where we feel we REALLY need something our brain begins to look for ways to reach our objectives. Or to phrase it simpler; when we want something we automatically look for ways to get it.

This drive to satisfy constant needs is so powerful, it takes place mostly in our subconscious mind. Thus, without knowing it, what we do from minute to minute is inspired by wanting something. (You may say: "I just want others to be happy". That too is wanting something.) Ironically, almost every little need involves people around us, in some way or another. Most of our needs are in fact met through interaction with others, i.e. a great deal of persuasive effort on our part takes place without us even being aware of it. We're actually engaged in selling or negotiating activity the majority of our waking hours, but we don't think of it that way, because we're not aware.

The tricky thing is, the more we want something the more emotional we tend to get. Emotions and feelings are by nature counterproductive to logical thinking. Feelings alone can cloud our reasoning and limits our ability to rationally interact with others. Feelings without logic represents an imbalance. Therefore, it is the ability to sense and truly understand the needs of others that tips the lever back in balance. When we see the world from the outside, we enable ourselves to return to logic, or rather to include logic. To be in balance we need both feelings and logic – emotions and awareness – a constant view of the inside and the outside. This is how our brain actually works. It has these two sides, but mastering both certainly isn't easy. Truly effective (PERSUASIVE) people apply brainpower to balance feelings and emotions (ENERGY) with logic and awareness (SENSITIVITY).

So why do we turn to manipulation?

Manipulation easily occurs when there's an imbalance between what we feel and what we perceive. For example, when we want something and only perceive a limited number of ways to get it, we sometimes allow our "overwhelming" feelings to overrule logical thinking. Even though we know it's wrong (our inner compass tells us so) we are convinced by the imbalance of emotions and awareness to justify cheating. Cheating could for instance be plain lying, withholding facts, raising our voice, tricking someone or putting on some kind of act etc. The ways in which we can cheat is an endless list.

How can we become a Principal of Clean Influence (PCI)?

The question is a big one, and the answer consequently important. I believe mastering "clean persuasion" – i.e. not manipulative – is a lifelong process. In fact, I believe it is life itself. Just think of it: What is the main concern of a dying man? In essence he returns to the naked baby he was when he entered life. His concern is what he leaves behind and what he brings along; both the right brain – love and emotions and the left brain – knowledge and awareness. What is the only thing that matters, the only thing that lasts, the only thing that makes a difference? It is that which guides and develops our persuasive abilities – how we channel energy in our loving and learning.