The hardest, most demanding "customer" to please and to satisfy has got to be those with whom we have the closest relationship, don't you think? Family; a brother, a sister, a spouse, a child or even a best friend. Only at this level can we really tell what kind of quality (sales) people we are. It's how we treat the individuals inside "our most private circles" that reveals who we truly are - and it can hurt at times!

Why is this? How come? There probably are a number of reasons why very close relationships are a hard sell.

One reason could be how our most private life reveals "vulnerability and weakness". Everyone has a bit of pride - deep inside - that somehow seeks to protect our total defeat or feeling of complete surrender. When our most tender faculties are exposed we feel a powerful urge to defend ourselves. When someone comes close enough we feel attacked and are often inclined to fight back with irrational behavior based on feelings and emotions. Ironically, this in turn only confirms our weakness and increases frustration.

Another reason why selling to family or friends can be hard is how sooner or later everyone - even the most perceived professional - is inconsistent in behavior patterns. When what we say is not in line with what we do, we automatically lose respect in the eyes of those around us. Close relationships experience this on a regular basis. This lack of respect causes words to lose power and influence, because words are only a function of feelings.

Still, more important than "why" is "what". It's true, it can be harder to please or sell to family or friends, depending on our true long term character. What's more important is what can we do to make the switch? How can we make a "sale" to the people with whom we have our most meaningful relationships?

Well, the secret is of course this: The toughest sale is potentially the BEST sale!

If we could, we should seek to make every contact and call a personal and meaningful relationship. Some people will respond to this by saying: "I make a clear distinction between professional and personal or private life". WRONG!

WHAT??! What does this mean?

Let me suggest what it could mean, and then you tell me what you think such a statement might imply: When all is said and done, basically what this boils down to is... "I cannot afford to open up to business contacts like I do with family and friends, because if I do they'll find I'm not only full of mistakes and lose respect for me, but they'll also discover how insincere I am by how I'm unwilling to work on my character, mistakes and weaknesses to make the needed changes".

Let me share one of my own deep flaws to illustrate:

I used to blame my parents for regularly being late when promising to pick me up as a young boy. The other day my wife called me and asked me whether I could pick up one of our oldest children after art class. I said I would, and then she added a warning: "Vidar, I was asked whether someone else than dad could do it, because he's always late". Ah! That stung so bad and so deep in my chest. So unfair, I thought. I've made EVERY possible effort to ALWAYS be on time. It stayed with me the rest of the day. That bitter feeling would not go. Then, an hour before I was to fulfill my important dead-on-time-appointment, I suddenly made a great discovery... I knew I had been a few minutes late the last two pick-ups. Even though with good reason, of course my behavior had been generalized and not forgotten. All the other times, when I had been on time, these times were all taken for granted. Of course that was unfair, but here's what I discovered: I had done the same thing with my own parents. Suddenly I was able to remember all the "forgotten times" when mum and dad had picked me up ON TIME. My heart sank and instantly changed from being judgmental to thankful for the wonderful patient parents I have - who were on time. Bitterness was gone.

How do you think I approached my child that evening? 'nough said - it was a great experience and a perfect "sell". However, more important than everything else - as a father (read: e.g. vendor) - I am more committed than EVER to deliver according to contract with regards to all my children.